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In five months I'll turn 40. I'm not dreading it but I have been thinking about it a lot. Forty feels like an age when one is officially a grown up and one should know what they're doing. I don't. There is one thing I know and that's while there are second (and third, etc.) chances in life, they only come in this one lifetime. (YOLO, I guess.) So those things I want to do or dream of doing, now's the time to make those happen.
So as I think about turning 40, I'm asking myself what do I wish? What do I want? How and who do I want to be? I spent a lot of time in my teens and twenties wishing I was someone or something else. It took a couple of big changes to see that if I want something different, I can make it happen. Anything.
Here's a couple of quick examples of big changes I've made:
One of my dreams was to wear a bikini. Now of course anyone can wear a bikini so I should say I wanted to feel comfortable wearing a bikini. I slowly lost weight for about ten years, about 30 pounds total. It took another several years of getting comfortable with my body and trying to find the right fit swimsuit but I finally did it. This summer I found a swimsuit that fit well and I comfortably wore a bikini to the pool all summer long.
One dream was to live somewhere fancy, a beautiful home. Six years ago we sold our home and got rid of most of what we owned. We moved to a two bedroom, less than 1000 sq. ft. place but it was an amazing loft with granite countertops, marble shower, jetted tub, exposed brick, hard wood floors, etc. It was a really gorgeous space, the kind of place I thought I could never live in. And we did. It required that we live with much less but it was worth it.
And most recently I dreamed of being an artist. This blog is the story of how that one turns out.
As I think about my wishes and dreams, I think it's also important to think about what I don't want. As I said in a previous post, I can't sing. I can't clap along to the beat of a song. I can't dance. I have zero rhythm. I could learn. But right now it's not something I really want. It's not that big a deal to me. Maybe someday it will be important to me and hopefully I'll act on it then. But right now, it's not. And that's ok.
Some of my dreams or my wishes are really simple, almost stupid stuff. And in that case I wonder to myself why am I not already making it happen? Like growing my hair out. If I want a certain new hairstyle, it only requires patience. Duh, just get started. Other things are much larger and require planning, practice, saving money, time, etc.
So what do I wish? What kind of project could I do next year that would top the last two? I haven't made any big decisions but I am starting to think about it. I'll put out a few of my ideas, just to tease you a bit:
What if my next big thing isn't related to art or creativity at all? hmm.
I feel like I do my best learning when I'm truly a beginner. What could I begin that I've not ever done before?
I really enjoy doing things to help. This Fursday project has been a lot of fun. Could I do another project like that? What could it be? What kind of relationships could I build with it?
I really like weekly projects. I'm a big fan of the number 50 for a year, almost one per week. (i.e. fifty reads and furs day project.) Will next year's project be weekly? Or maybe I should do 40 of something?
What happens to one habit when you focus on building another? Is it really possible to successfully juggle all the things?
So tell me, are you acting on your wishes and dreams? Are you slowly making them happen? If you aren't, why not? The first step is to simply begin.